Here is a member's advice...

How do you begin to heal? Will the pain ever end? Where is the erase button to just remove it from memory?

Those are some of the questions that many survivors ask themselves over and over. For each person, his or her journey in the healing process is different. Some find therapy, counseling, peer groups, or even one-on-one with a trusted friend the best way. There are so many ways; there isn't a wrong or right way, just the way that works.

For me, I endured sexual abuse, rape, incest, physical abuse, several murder attempts, emotional and mental abuse, all from my younger brother. (Just because I was older didn't mean I couldn't be the victim and subsequent survivor). My mother emotionally abused me, and still does at times. I even had an ex-boyfriend attempt to date rape me. I am not finished with my road of healing, but it has taken years for me to come to the point of saying that online. In person, there are still less than a handful that know my story.

I thought I had healed from it all. I thought that it was just part of my past, like a distant memory. Then about a year and a half ago, it all came pouring back, as if all those years were combined into one second, one minute, and sometimes, one hour. Flashbacks, some call them, moments where I relived the terrible events over and over in my head. For me, it would normally be one to five events. And they would pop in and out of my head from time to time, until I learned to deal with it. The best thing I've found that helps me is talking it out to my husband. He has always been my best friend. Even though it hurt me to tell him, he would patiently wait for me to get the words off my tongue. He would ask questions, even if I didn't like them. He would help me get the details out. Why? Because I am one of those people who, once I talk about something, feels better, and because he knew how to phrase words so that they would sink in. It hurt just as much to SAY what I saw in those flashbacks, as it did to have them.

Of course he wasn't available all the time to talk. Sometimes I would hold it in just as I did when I was going through it. Sometimes I was able to write it out on a piece of paper, like a letter telling him how I felt and what I saw. He never saw 99% of them, but it got me through it at the time. Sometimes I would sit down and write some of what I was feeling to some online friends. The last time I had a flashback was about 3-4 weeks ago. (Like I said, I am still healing) I was sitting at my computer when a certain noise triggered the memories. I knew what the noise was, I knew that the noise would happen; but that knowledge didn't stop the flash back. I was chatting to a trusted IRL (in real life) friend who only knew I was dealing with some "bad things in the past." This time it wasn't as much the images, but the emotions flashing back. I was shaking so hard that my arms and everything were shaking. That's when I told my friend what happened, not much detail, but enough for that moment. My friend basically told me the same things that my husband does, just phrased differently, and I think that made things sink in better.

My advice to anyone who is a fellow survivor is this: Don't do it alone! I've been down that road and it led to only one place for me — SUICIDE, both in thoughts and attempts. Please find a friend online or IRL to lean on, or a professional that deals with this. You are not alone, and you shouldn't walk the road of healing alone either.