1. Are there any babies available for adoption?
Yes, there are infants in need of adoption. Many times parents, especially mothers, considering making an adoption plan for their unborn children, will want to participate openly in the adoption process, including selecting and meeting the adoptive parents. I can certainly relate to this – I would not leave one of my children for even a few hours with a babysitter I had never met, how could we ever imagine a mother to leave her child forever with people she never met? It is unfathomable to me! Because this is a common feeling, one thing to think about is your level of comfort with openness in adoption. Meeting birthparents, and other adoptive parents who have open adoptions is a good way to start. An excellent resource for exploring these issues further is Adoption Insight, located online at http://openadoptioninsight.org/index.html

There are also infants with a variety of special needs in need of adoption. Often these babies may be of mixed and minority racial backgrounds. Many have challenges associated with prenatal drug or alcohol exposure. Some of them are at risk of developing disabilities later due to genetic or other factors.

Unlike adopting healthy or low risk babies, adopting infants with special needs usually requires a shorter wait, modest or no cost, and includes financial assistance programs for both the adoption, and for the cost of raising the child.

2. Can I adopt transracially?
Yes. Ideally, children are placed with same race parents, but transracial adoption will remain an option for those children who cannot otherwise find a loving permanent family, or for those children whose birth parents select a family belonging to a different race to raise their child.

Prospective adoptive parents wishing to adopt a child of a race different from theirs need to do both an internal self-assessment, as well as a scan of environmental factors that will impact the child’s ability to grow up experiencing physical and emotional safety and acceptance. A great resource for exploring these issues is Pact, located here: http://www.pactadopt.org/

3. If I adopt an infant, will the birth parents change their minds?
Many adoptive parents are concerned about placement reversals in light of all the publicity some overturned independent adoptions have received. However, when all parties involved in a potential adoption follow the laws, receive appropriate and competent counseling and treat one another with dignity and respect, birth parents “changing their mind” after an adoptive placement is actually quite rare. A good resource for ethical lawyers who are knowledgeable about adoption is the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys: http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/

4. What will an adoption cost?
The costs related to adoption can really vary depending on whether you are adopting an infant or older children, in the United States or another country, using a public or private agency.

State or public adoption agencies do not usually charge for any special needs adoption service. Fees at private adoption agencies for adoption services vary widely from no charge at all to several thousand dollars or more.

Adoption tax credits, private foundations offering financial assistance and adoption subsidies for children with special needs are all factors that can make adoption more affordable than it might appear at first glance. Here are a few good resources related to the costs of adoption:

http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/pubs/s_cost/index.cfm
http://www.nefe.org/adoption/default.htm
http://www.nacac.org/adoptionsubsidy.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc607.html
http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/courses/taxcredit.cfm
http://members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer

5. How long will an adoption take?
The time involved differs from place to place, and adoption to adoption. I have seen children apparently “drop out of the sky” and be placed for adoption with families who had barely begun to think about adopting, and I have seen other wonderful families wait for years before being matched with the child that was meant for their family.

Agencies must screen, prepare and get to know people who want to adopt children. This takes time and requires paperwork. The homestudy process is designed to protect the child, first and foremost, but also to protect families from needless heartache and pain that can result from being ill-prepared or ill-equipped for the realities of adoptive parenting. Birth families need time, space and opportunities to thoroughly consider all of their options and to “live with” their potential decisions for a while before they become permanent. This is compassionate, respectful and in the long run, in everyone’s best interests.

The important thing to remember is that adoption is not a passive process. A person who sits by the phone and waits can sit there for a very long time. There are concrete things a person can do to hasten the process. I have prepared two articles to help you during the waiting time. One is called “The Adoption Journey” and the other is called “What can I do while I Wait?”

6. Will I love an adopted child as much as a child that would be born to me?
Absolutely. However, loving a child “as much as” does not mean “the same as.” We all have different relationships with different people in our lives. We may love our children, our spouse, our parents, our siblings and others “equally” in the sense that we would give our life for any one of them should that be required – we might offer a kidney, for example, if one of our loved ones needed a transplant even if we hate hospitals and surgery! On the other hand, our relationships are each unique in a myriad of ways for better and for worse.

So it is with children we adopt. We can love each child “as much as” any other child, but no two relationships with our children will be exactly “the same” whether those children are born to us, adopted by us or come to our family through foster care, step-parenting or other routes.

Fortunately, love is not something we have a fixed quantity of. There is plenty to go around, and it is not defined only by blood, skin color, legal ties or other outward symbols. Research related to this question clearly demonstrates that most adoptive parents are satisfied with their decision to adopt, and unconditionally love their adopted children fully and completely.

The best way to overcome some of these fears is to get to know other adoptive families, both in real life and vicariously. Certainly here on Womens-Place, you can join the adoption board and get to know the other women here who have or are in the process of adopting. In your local community, you can join an adoptive parent support group. Attend adoption conferences, subscribe to adoption newsletters or magazines and read adoption books. All of these steps will help you to answer these and other questions, concerns and fears you may have about adopting.

Sue Badeau and her husband, Hector, are the parents of twenty-two children and more than 20 grandchildren. They served as foster parents for more than 75 children within the United States, as well as a host family for refugee youth from several other countries. Sue acted as the Deputy Director of the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care and currently travels throughout the United States as a professional speaker and advocate for adoption and foster care.