For five years, Tim and I have been trying to conceive a biological child. We have endured five losses. The pain in that alone is something I never thought I could survive. We both knew in our hearts it was going to happen and we still believe that. We also knew it was time to start the process of getting a home study done to be able to adopt a baby. On July 8th, I had urgency in my spirit to go and start the process of getting the fingerprints and background checks done. Tim and I got it done in one day.

We didn't have a clue then why this day was so important, but we were soon to find out!

July 23rd - We went to New York for a visit with family. We told them we were starting the process of adopting. They asked how long the wait was, and we replied with what we knew was the norm--anywhere from nine months to two years!

July 30th - We return home from New York and get ready to start home schooling.

July 31st - I pop in on the Womens-Place boards and see this post on the Adoption board:

Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:22 am
“Okay gals listen up, we have a baby girl that is ready for a home today! She was born in March at one pound, but she is ten pounds now, rolling over and doing great. The birth mom is signing today. If you are interested or know any one email me and I will give you the # to contact.”

I replied with this:
Darlene, I emailed you! Hee hee!!!

Well, soon after that post, I was sad to hear she had already been placed with a family in Utah. Tim and I prayed and asked the Lord to bless her and told Him we were happy she was with a new family who was going to love her.

August 2nd - We got an early phone call to tell us the baby girl was up again and in need of a home! We got the little baby girl Darlene had told us about! The family that was going to adopt her did not have all the clearances they needed. So the agency called us! With much prayer, trust and love, we said yes! We leave Tuesday to go get her and we meet her Wednesday!

In between posts and calls, I was phoning my friend who has “been there, done that” with adoption to ask advice, and scream and cry and figure things out.

She kept telling me it does not happen this fast--this is a miracle.

Tim and I arranged to have our children stay with some close friends of ours. After that, we were on our way!

We went to the agency on August 6th; just four days after we were told, we were going to be her new mommy and daddy! We got there and I was so nervous, but the agency people were great, because they really knew how to handle you when you walked in the door. I was scared the biological mom had changed her mind. Fifteen minutes later, they called and said they were on their way. I heard them come in and Tim and I stood up to greet them. They came right in and we said hello. They responded and you could tell they were nervous. I started to cry as she showed me Grace.

She said, "Would you like to hold her?" I said, "Yes!" As she placed her in my arms, tears began to fill my eyes, but I held them back because the momma was really nervous.

We sat on the couch and the two ladies with the agency began speaking to get a conversation started. We talked and shared with them how blessed and honored we were. We chatted about race issues and our kids, families and friends. We shared our hearts and she, the birth mom, said, "I can tell you love her already."

She said she was at peace and could see, from the moment she walked in, the sparks in our eyes. We talked a lot and then the agency asked if we all could stay to eat lunch together. So we continued to talk until lunch came. Tim was so awesome with Grace, and she took to him really fast. He fed her a bottle and she sucked long hard sucks and made really loud squeaking noises. It was amazing! She looked so tiny in his big, strong arms--love swelled in my heart at the sight.

The agency took some pictures of all of us. I am glad we have those for the years to come. We then all gathered in the dining area and sat around the table. Grace was in my arms, and we bowed our heads while the adoption agent Suzan prayed. It was amazing to sit and sup with these birth parents. They did so well with everything. By that time, the birth mother had hugged me at least twice.

After lunch, Tim, the birth parents and I sat alone and chatted about our family. They asked lots of questions, everything from A-Z, and she kept on saying this was so right and she now could sleep at night knowing we were going to love Gracie.

I told the birth mom I had a gift for her and she began to well up with tears. I touched her leg and she said that she couldn't accept it. I told her I insisted she have it. I told her to put it away and open it any time. About 20 minutes went by and she was ready. She opened it and inside was a gold bracelet with hearts--one side of the heart was solid and the other was open to hang charms on. We put a cross charm on it. I told her that I saw this in my heart and I looked for it until I found it. I said that those hearts represent how you have touched our hearts, and you will always have a special place in our hearts for honoring us by placing your daughter in our arms. The cross represents Jesus. Whenever you find yourself in a quiet moment, and thoughts flood your mind and you feel scared, alone or worthless, remember HE is always there for you and that HE died just for you. He cares and He will never leave you alone.

We cried when this was going on. I placed the bracelet on her wrist and, with that, she hugged me and fought back more tears. I hugged her back and whispered in her ear, "Thank you, thank you so much.

A little time went by and the agent said it was time to go. So, we stood up and I asked the birth mother, "Would you like to hold her?" She looked so sad, but so peaceful. She took Grace one last time, cradled her in her arms and spoke to her. She told her, "I will always love you. I know this is right and they already love you. You’re a good baby and they are going to give you what I cannot. I love you, okay. I love you."

She kissed her on the forehead and placed her in my arms and hugged me and this is what about did me in. She whispered in my ear, "I love you Michelle for loving my baby, thank you." As I choked back sobs from being so humbled by her words, I told her "and I love you for loving your baby, thank you."

We walked outside and the birth mom hugged us once again. Then the birth father came up and hugged us and they were gone.

I sat and cried as I realized she was really ours.

All this happened in less than a week. What is interesting is that when we were told about Grace, we had just gotten our background checks back on July 31st. Our social worker called and left a message for us. She dropped everything for us to make this happen. She cleared her schedule, came out on Monday and did our home study. She then went home, wrote it, faxed it and overnighted it to the agency placing Grace. She even told us it does not happen like this, this was an act of God. We so agree!

We started the process of adoption not having a clue what awaited us on July 8th. Grace was born March 8th. We brought her home August 8th. In biblical numerology, the number 8 means NEW BEGINNINGS! How awesome is that?!?!

At times, I sit and watch her sleep and think, "wow, she is really here." I sit and bask in her presence and, when I hold her in my arms, her new baby smell makes me weep. My arms do not ache any more because my heart is so full. The once raw wounds of emptiness in my heart have now been closed. I have a rainbow now instead of the rain, I have light now instead of the darkness, I have healing for my pain--all of this in such a short amount of time brought to me by my little miracle, Grace Nicole.


~Chelle is the proud mother of four beautiful, adopted children.