Research shows that many women and men still believe the myths about rape; society still blames the victim of the crime. Society minimizes the impact on the victim of forced and often violent sexual behavior. The following information may help to clarify some of these hideous beliefs. These myths are written with a focus on women but also apply equally to all victims of rape.

Myth:
Only "bad" girls get raped and they "ask for it."

Fact:
The problem with this belief is that it shifts the responsibility for the crime from the rapist to the victim. No woman asks to be victimized, threatened, violated, frightened, humiliated, or degraded. No woman asks to be so threatened and violated, that for the rest of her life, she vividly remembers the trauma of the crime committed against her. No woman asks to fear for her life at the hand of another. No woman deserves to be raped.


Myth:
Women enjoy being raped.

Fact:
In all rape situations, women are threatened, humiliated, and violated, so it makes no sense to think that any victim of rape would enjoy such an experience. In fact, it has been shown that in about 87% of reported rapes, the woman is threatened with a weapon and/or death if she resists. With the threat of death, most women would be compliant to their attackers, whether a weapon is present or not. It is preposterous and sick to believe that any woman enjoys being raped.

Recovery
Recovering from a rape is a process that begins as soon as the immediate threat has ended and the perpetrator is gone. There are many decisions to be made and many feelings to be expressed. Not all of the decisions or feelings will need to be handled at once, but rather as recovery progresses.

This Can't Be Happening
Fear and shock are the most common feelings during the initial phase of surviving. Some women initially react to these feelings by crying, by being anxious, by exhibiting an exaggerated startle response, and by feeling ashamed, dirty, violated, vulnerable, and self-blaming. Others may react to the fear and shock as if nothing traumatic has happened. They may appear to be "handling everything just fine." Please do not be fooled by this last one. It all needs to manifest in some way; every survivor of sexual assault or rape is dramatically affected, regardless of how they may appear to be feeling or behaving after the attack.

Decision Making
A traumatic event such as rape can make decision-making difficult.

Below are some common thoughts:
Am I safe here or do I need to go someplace else?
Where should I go?
Should I tell someone?
Who should I tell and when?
Should I call the police?
Should I seek medical help?
Should I just forget it happened?

Making rational decisions during this time of emotional upheaval is difficult. Survivors, you need to see beyond the shame and fear at this point and get help fast. Too many times, we think we can just move on, but as you know and I know, it will haunt you far more than what it is worth. Find a rape crisis center, call first, and talk to a supportive trained counselor. Call a friend you trust to feel with you and to help you cry. Just make sure you report it.

Things to remember
Get to somewhere safe.
Call 911 or go to someone for help.
Regain control of your life by taking control of the recovery process.
Believe that you are not to blame for what happened. Remember you are not alone.

How to help your loved one or friend through rape
The process of recovering from a sexual assault or rape takes time. As a friend or loved one, your help during this process is needed in copious amounts. Survivors need a great deal of support and caring as they begin to address and survive a very frightening and violent experience. Friends and family can help by doing a number of things:

Listening
This is the most important thing to a survivor, to just listen and let them know they are being heard. After all, their voice and rights were ignored during the attack.

Believing what the survivor has told you.
Too often we fall into the trap of contemplating the myths. Make sure you are not judgmental of the survivor.

Respecting the survivor's decisions.
Part of feeling in control for the survivor includes making decisions and having those decisions respected. Sometimes that is hard to understand.

How to deal with your emotions, as the survivor's loved ones
You too may need time to heal. After all, someone you love and care about has been violated and abused in the most horrendous way. It is best for the friend or family member to deal with these emotions with someone else. It is not fair to survivors to have to handle not only their own feelings, but also those of the people they are turning to for support and assistance. Not to diminish your feelings, but recognize that your feelings can make the survivor feel more guilt and shame and make the healing process worse for them.

RAINN- Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. RAINN operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE and carries out programs to prevent sexual assault, help victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice. There, you'll find statistics, counseling resources; prevention tips, news and more

http://www.rainn.org

Here are some tools to help with healing.

Recovering from Rape
Paperback: 282 pages; Dimensions (in inches): 0.80 x 9.02 x 6.04 Publisher: Owlet; 2nd edition (July 1994) ISBN: 0805029281



When You Are the Partner of a Rape or Incest Survivor: A Workbook for You Paperback: 123 pages; Dimensions (in inches): 0.37 x 9.00 x 5.99 Publisher: Resource Publications; (March 1996) ISBN: 0893903299




~Chelle is not only a survivor, but also the founder of Womens-Place.com. She lives in Florida with her husband, Tim, and their four beautiful children.