Incest research has been used to hide truths and support lies. Just as people use the Bible or their daily horoscope to make sense of their lives, people use research findings to support their position. With enough searching, research can be found to support almost any premise. Although resent research tends to take into consideration such issues as bias and is evaluated from a more educated position regarding incest, there are still serious gaps and omissions. In reality, many incest survivors struggle alone, uncounted and unrecorded. Many incest survivors have lost their voices, leaving the most damaged unable to make themselves heard. Therefore, I must raise my voice in their defense.

Incest may not be what one may think it is. The term "incest" has been taken to mean sexual relations between siblings, the marriage of first cousins, and the seduction by fathers of their children. People refer to "incestuous relationships" as if there were a relationship; in other words, as if there were reciprocity. Society today tries to hold anyone responsible for incest other than the man/woman who commits it. Therapists themselves have operated on the belief that "cold" nonsexual mothers or "seductive" daughters are responsible for a father's sexual abuse of his child. People believe that only scruffy men with day-old beards who cannot resist their sexual urges commit incest. This is not an accurate picture.

The traditional definition of incest is "sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally." The traditional definition of the word is a sanitized definition that conveniently ignores the true horror of incest. In reality, it is the most common form of child sexual abuse. Arguably, it is also the most serious of all types of child abuse.

Even those who understand the word "incest" in the context of child welfare have generally applied the rigid and literal qualifier of blood relationship. In the eyes of the law and the mental health profession, incest has meant sexual activity between a family member and a child. All other sexual abuses of the child were seen as not significantly different from abuse by strangers. Blood relationship alone, however, is not an accurate qualifier. If we are to understand incest, we must look not at the blood bond, but at the emotional bond between the victim and the perpetrator.

Incest survivors first articulated this distinction in literature generated by support groups. Therapists who specialize in incest adjusted their definition of incest. The new definition takes into consideration that incest, unlike abuse by a stranger or acquaintance, violates an ongoing bond of trust between a child and a caretaker.

Incest affects the fundamentals of human development. At the core is the distortion incest represents to the primary human need for love. Love is a verb. To love is to honor the other person. To love is to treat other people with consideration for their feelings, and concern for what is best for them. A parent loves a child by paying attention to the child's needs. In the beginning, the child's needs are put first; the younger the child, the more her needs take precedence.

It is enough of a trauma for an adult, who has already developed mentally and physically, to deal with being raped, but for a child to be virtually born into this situation, before she is fully developed mentally and physically, it is damaging to the core.

Time does not cure the effects of incest. Although the memories go underground, the consequences of the abuse flourish. Sometimes they are buried under other problems such as substance abuse, relentless rage, and self-destructive behavior. They lie waiting, waiting for the clarity that sobriety brings; waiting for release from thought-confusion and phobias; waiting for the lifting of depression; waiting for the opening that comes through group therapy or intimacy. Memories also may erupt on their own. Untreated, they can lead to suicide or even murder. And in the saddest paradox of all, the aftereffects that comprise Post-Incest Syndrome usually spell continuing victimization for the survivor herself, for her loved ones, her lover, and her children.

~Chelle is not only a survivor, but also the founder of Womens-Place.com. She lives in Florida with her husband, Tim, and their four beautiful children.