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Host Spotlight
Deek / Deanna K
This month we are turning the spotlight on another of our hosts, Deanna K, AKA Deek. She is the perfect choice for this month as she has adopted, what she likes to call, two Russian Princesses into her family. She is also the host of our Adoption Board here at Womens-Place.
 Hi Deek! To start, tell us about you and your husband. How did you meet?
Chris and I both worked at a hospital on midnights. We were friends for about a year before we actually got serious with dating.
You have four children, give us a few personality traits for each one!
Joseph – AKA Jay, AKA Joey is our 16-year-old son. He is a great kid and very giving to others. He is also friendly and really fun to be around. He dreams of being a professional baseball player.
Bailey is our interesting child. She is incredibly stubborn and her favorite words are “that’s not fair.” She is beautiful and graceful, and we love watching her dance.
Karly is a lot like her brother. She is a California girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She and I are very attached to each other and have to call each other often when we are apart.
Macy - AKA “The Menace” is most like Bailey. She is stubborn and beautiful. She follows Bailey everywhere and, for some reason, they both seem to have patience – only for each other.
Which one is more like you?
Though I hate to admit it, Bailey and Macy are most like me, lol.
You adopted two sisters, do you think that's easier or harder than just a single adoption?
I can’t really answer that as I haven’t done a single adoption, but I would imagine it is more difficult. We chose to adopt two for a couple major reasons. I wanted siblings in case anything medical ever became an issue and thought they would do better over time to have each other to lean on and understand. The other major reason was pure and simple – cost. We knew we wanted two additional children and it was much less expensive if they came at the same time. The girls were 2 and 4.5 when they came home.
 How did your oldest react when you brought home his new sisters?
He still refers to it as “the time you ruined my life.” Of course, that is a bunch of baloney as he immediately took his new sisters to school and watched all the babes flock around him. They increased his social life far more than he could have on his own. He loves them to pieces and already talks about them coming to visit him when he goes to college.
What made you decide to adopt?
It was a combination of many things; but, in a nutshell, it was something we had talked about since getting married. I always knew I wanted to adopt. When Jay got to be about 12-years-old and really started having his own life, I was so lonely and needed someone else to share my love with. Chris worked a lot and wasn’t around much when I was home from work. Chris realized how important it was to me and agreed to hear all about it. His only regret is that we didn’t do it sooner and get even more kids! After the girls came home, he adjusted his schedule so he is home much more. He was the primary caregiver the first year they were home.
How has adopting made your family stronger?
As mentioned above, we were starting to grow apart as a family because all three of us had our different interests. We got along great when we were together but it wasn’t feeling like a family any more – just friends living together. Now there is no doubt that we are a family. We all have a great time whether it is at the dinner table, swimming or traveling. We had Bailey’s name picked out forever – it was a family name. Jay named Karly and that gave him a sense of having control of the situation.
Was your extended family supportive of your decision to adopt?
Yes, they were. We were unsure how they would react, so we waited until we were beyond the turning back point to announce it to them. They had some concerns, but overall were excited.
 You got pregnant with a little surprise baby, how did your adopted girls react when you brought home their new sister?
They did very well. However, they thought we were adopting again and were a bit confused when they saw Macy being so small – and not coming on an airplane. We had talked about adopting when I discovered I was pregnant. When we brought Macy home, I put her in Bailey’s arms and explained to her that it was her baby. She would be responsible for her from now on. Bailey really needed that to affirm her place in the family and totally took it to heart. I think that is why she has trained Macy to be a menace – just like her. Karly loves Macy and is very patient with her. I couldn’t be happier. There is no talk whatsoever about anyone in the family being different or holding a different place than another.
Tell us about your adopted girls and how perfectly they fit into your family.
We often comment about how much Bailey and Macy are alike and how much Jay and Karly are alike. They were meant to be in the same family. I have tried to convince the girls to go back to their Russian names and occasionally they will humor me, but overall they want the names that we gave them. They have asserted themselves into this family and often tell us how life will be for all of us. Bailey likes to tell us she is the boss. Bailey was not always a perfect fit. It took well over a year of love and patience to help her become comfortable. There were many days and nights that we both cried and wondered if we would get through it all. I have always kept a journal for the family and I write the good and bad. Sometimes Bailey asks me to read some of the old entries. Even she can’t believe what a hard time she gave all of us. I am the proudest mom in the world when I can walk around with my girls, while Chris and Jay are trailing us carrying our packages or bags. We love to outnumber the guys.
What would your advice be for someone who is thinking about adoption?
Research everything, but don’t be scared away. I discovered message boards by researching adoption. I have been with several of the women here on the adoption message boards for almost five years. They are a terrific sounding board, and it is amazing how many different things each has experienced. Some families are comfortable having birth parents be a part of their lives, others are not. Some families are more comfortable adopting an infant; others choose to look for older children. There are many different situations to fit each family. I felt prepared when my girls came home. We used different discipline techniques with the girls due to their past, and we felt our way through many situations. Everything was definitely not storybook and I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t have traded it – I would have loved it to be smooth. It was hard and nerve-wracking. I’m just glad that it is over and our love is very strong. I still worry about the future, and rebellion and adoption issues surfacing, but hope that by giving them a good foundation to fall back on, they will feel secure and safe in their decisions.
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Thanks for sharing your story and experience with us. We hope that many other members of our community will be inspired to adopt a child into their family as well.
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